It has been really stressful. I'm not kidding you.
This job, is a killer job. It's probably ten times more difficult than going door-to-door to sell ice cream. Being an (A)SL is not as simple as it seems. It's not just reading a score and playing the notes. And omg, i can't even read the score properly. I haven't done my theory work for like 2 years now and i've totally lost touch with the technical aspect of music. But the pressure of seeing a bunch of people getting bored because of you is way more stressful than having two people not being able to figure out a simple rhythm. So yeah, it's damn difficult.
I take my hat off to Sharon and Ruth man.
I think they did such a good job last year.
Now being in their shoes makes me feel bad for always being lazy during sectionals.
I know I'm not good enough to be standing in front of you people and I know i'm pretty unworthy in certain ways but rest assure that i'm trying my best to not let anyone down right now. And altos, I really hope you guys would bear with my bad playing. I can't play for nuts, that's the problem. I get nervous lah, damnit! Haha.
And Jerlyn is doing a great job, so yeah. LISTEN TO HER!
Lol.
And so here I am, struggling to bear the dire consequences of this privilege that i'm given. "Consequences?", you might ask. Look, for this bonus I had to make sacrifices. And it's not like I had a choice most of the time. But people don't see two sides of the story you know. People, in general, tend to look at the adverse side of matters. And it's not like I can help it. I'm not superwoman and I definitely do not have the authority to change mindsets of others.
Sometimes you try, and you really do to the extend that you get tired, but you still can't get people to notice your good intentions. Sometimes they overlook certain matters, or maybe they just don't think rationally in a state of frustration. I don't blame anyone for having a point of view of their own. And I don't blame anyone for becoming agitated and letting their actions speak for their emotions. Cause I know, if I were them, I'd feel the same way too. Maybe I wouldn't be very vocal about it only.
That's a joke, isn't it.
I've never been very vocal about anything that pisses me off.
That's the thing that makes everything so unfair.
At the end of the day as i'm complaining about how others are treating me, I find out that there's no equality in the first place because I myself made a choice to NOT treat myself fairly.
To many, you might just be swimming aimlessly in this whole pool of words. But to some, i'm sure you can relate to my experience and see yourself in this picture. A few might even understand what's the true purpose of my post here.
I'm trying to be careful here and not post anything that might make me sound like i'm just being selfish and just trying to make myself sound pitiful. And i'm trying to maintain my composure and making sure I do not go bonkers here..
BUT WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD?!Am I born half as important as others?
Am I born inferior to those around me?
Am I born just to swallow crap from other people?
Am I born as a slave?
Am I born to turn absurdity into reason?
MAN! If no one noticed, I'm standing here waving my arms frantically in the air and proving to you that I am a human who has a simple system of logic installed in my brain and though I may not be very intellectual or pretty, I think that if anybody wants to express your displeasure towards me you should do it in a reasonable manner! I don't mind if you bring me down, or point out my mistakes, or try to condemn me till i'm speechless and to a point when no more self-defense would help me anymore. I'd just swallow and take it down! So what's the big deal?!
Ya.. What's the big fuss all about. I've been keeping mum about alot of things and acting as if they don't really bother me for so long already. Doesn't hurt if I just do it once more, isn't it?
That's right.. it won't hurt. Nothing ever does anymore. I'm quite sick and tired already.
But it's always good to come home to someone who understands you when no one else does.
So yeah, i'm gonna sort my life out somehow.
(You know my feet might be a size 8/9 but i'm sure you'd be able to stand in my shoes somehow.)
At the end of the day, I guess different people have different characters. Some people can get kicked in the ass for a million times and not feel the pain while others start to whine at their first shot. It's just like how a commoner who lives in a 2-bedroom HDB apartment in Clementi would survive in Changi prison but someone with the status of Paris Hilton would practically die inside.
Paris Hilton should start to wonder how these commoners actually survive through..But how can you blame Paris Hilton?Well, I know I don't!
